Last week, our heroes put away their colored pencils and rulers to don the spandex and answer the blue flashing phone call of a distressed being! The account of their mission was logged as follows:
Captain Wonderful, Zetaman, and Break were hanging out at HQ when the governor of Planet SweetTooth called. His planet’s usually soft and fluffy ground has hardened trapping the citizens where they stood!
After accepting the mission, Break researches the standard records for the planet’s surface, climate, and special conditions. Since she’s busy tending to her research, Zetaman gets a chance to use his student pilot license and flies them the three billion light years to Planet SweetTooth. All the way, Captain Wonderful firmly grips the emergency break… just in case.
As they approach the planet, Zetaman pilots the ship into the orbit around it. This allows him to look for a good landing spot and gives Break a chance to gather data regarding the planet’s current conditions. She compares the conditions to her notes and determines that only a great decrease in temperature could be the cause.
Zetaman find the perfect landing spot and skids about 10 kilometers away from it, landing the craft on a crystallized plateau.
Break rubs the spot on her forehead where it kissed the computer as a result of Zetaman’s top notch flying skills. Captain Wonderful begins picking himself up from where he was slammed to the floor. Zetaman just wipes his brow thankful that they didn’t explode upon impact.
Upon opening the hatch, our heroes find the temperature to be a bit nippy. After checking the actual temperature and reviewing her notes, Break reported that the weather was 23 degrees below the expected temperature range.
Noticing that the rate of energy necessary to freeze the planet, the heroes deduce that the drop in temperature is not a natural phenomenon.
Captain Wonderful further concludes that the change could not be the work of the snow cone kids because the method of freezing is vastly different. So, who could the villain be, they wondered.
Using his x-ray vision, Captain Wonderful tries to figure out if the surface will allow the Squad for Good to traverse its terrain. Due to the concrete-like composition of the planet, the surface has razor-sharp protrusions capable of shredding through the Squad’s clothing and worse!
Seeing a boulder nearby, Captain Wonderful uses his super speed racing over the spikes before they have a change to do their damage. Though, possibly not fast enough since afterward he feels something uncomfortable had worked its way into his boot, and he didn’t have time to unlace it and get it out. He mounts the boulder and uses it to bulldoze a path safe for his team.
Referring to Break’s notes (‘cause they’re awesomely useful), our Squad determine the shortest and possibly least frozen route to the Governor, who lives just one city over, and head out to meet her.
Zetaman speaks with the Governor, whose feet are inconveniently frozen where she stands. While discussing the effects of the planet wide freeze, the Governor exclaims: It’s the work of the evil wizard Hogglesloth!” You see, apparently there’s this cave dwelling, greedy paladin-thief, who is also a glutton for cotton candy, shiny jewels, and the power to rule them all.
Zetaman inquires further to gather more details about Hogglesloth. According to the Governor, Hogglesloth plans to take over the planet, reap all of the cotton candy from the planet’s surface preventing anyone else from accessing this major export crop, and make all of the natives do his dirty work for him.
Since the universe has a sweet tooth only satiated by cotton candy, Hogglesloth’s monopoly will lead him to pocket all of the space gold and jewels that he hasn’t already lifted from the Planetary Cavity!
The Governor directs the Squad to a cave on the edge of town where Hogglesloth was last reported to be. Captain Wonderful and the Squad boulder their way to the cave, and stop a mile from the cave’s entrance. Captain Wonderful bowls boulders toward the entrance, checking for booby traps. Good thing to. They triggered magical landmines with spring cages that caught each of the boulders! What a sneaky way to capture more “workers,” thinks Break.
The heroes use the cages as a catwalk and cross safely to the cave’s entrance, where they find a fire filled cauldron and scorch marks that could only be unlucky, unwelcome souls seeking an audience with the wizard.
Break cautiously inches towards the cauldron, when she gets within five feet; a bright purple ball of fire leaps out at her. She dodges it, but barely, then scampers back rejoining the others.
Referring to her research notes on all things magical and woo-woo, Break finds that a fire of green base and bright purple flame can only be extinguished by copsli crystal exposure. The unique bond pattern within the crystal absorbs the element necessary for the fire to burn.
As the heroes discuss where they could possibly find such crystal, what exactly they need to do to “expose” the fire to the crystal when they can’t get that close to it. Realizing that he finally has the time, Captain Wonderful unlaces his boot and shakes out that annoying… COPSLI CRYSTAL!
He hands it over to Break, who stifles a gag response to the smell of Captain Wonderful’s dirty socks. She uses her Rube Goldberg talents to ricochet the crystal off the cave walls and into the cauldron.
Tip-toeing past the cauldron, they sneak up behind the wizard, who is staring intensely through a gap in the cave wall that allows him to see the entirety of the cotton candy packaging plant. His hands moving like a conductor’s, orchestrate the movements of dozens of unfortunate native Sweet Toothians.
Captain Wonderful realizes that in all the excitement, he never put his boot back on! He motions to Zetaman, who takes the boot and heaves it in the Wizard’s direction and whispers: Well, the boot will knock him out if the smell doesn’t!
The scary Hogglesloth lies somewhere buried under one of those stereotypical, overly ornate, Halloween costumes they call a robe- complete with pointy hat and shoes. No sooner did the tyrant hit the floor than the Sweet Toothians’ land and body movements returned to their fluffy and bouncy natural states with feet free to dance!
Captain Wonderful quickly grabs the tassels from the hat, finding a now unconscious wizard underneath, and decides to use the hat as a gag. That ought to keep him quiet if he wakes up. Captain Wonderful then binds the wizard’s hands with the tacky salmon- colored tassels before enjoying the now bouncingly amusing trek to Nimrod where he loads, a now slightly awake and very confused, Hogglesloth in to a cryogenic chamber.
The Governor and Sweet Toothians are so grateful that they gather 3 crates of their top shelf cotton candy for our heroes, who promptly return home eagerly pursuing the best sugar high EVER.
……bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy…….