January 17th, 2012
Our heroes receive an invitation to participate in the annual Kangalympics on planet Marpis. Excitedly, they pack up their spandex, vaulting poles, AirKong running shoes, boxing mitts, and curling brooms. After a short shuttle ride, they arrive with a distinct THUD on Marpis. As they recover from the shock of such an abrupt landing, gather their luggage and step out of the shuttle, they realize that either there was an invisible giant pressing them into the ground or they’ve all developed a strong case of ground-a-philia.
They can barely walk let alone bounce! Feeling the added weight, Captain Wonderful scouts for intel from the Commissioners by using his super strength to lift each foot off the ground, resulting in his walking not too unlike a dog in boots. His super speed allowed the rest of the squad enjoying this image since Captain Wonderful could only move at the rate of a normal human. Zetaman decides to head out as well, after climbing into an anti-gravity suit. The suit’s anti-gravity combined with the planet’s super gravity leaves him feeling like he’s walking in his own hometown.
Break decides to gather intel from a more comfortable environment. So she inches her way back into the shuttle, seals the hatch, and engages the gravity regulator. Turning knobs and pressing buttons, she gets to work scanning and evaluating graphs and charts and other sorts of squiggly lines created by Marpis’s environment dancing with the shuttle’s sensors.
Loc and Leo decide staying in and using their powers seems like a great idea. Loc uses his ESP to scan the planet’s population for any information regarding this conundrum, while Leo curls up with his stuffed squirrel and begins brainstorming how to create a temporary solution to correct the grave gravitational error. Captain Wonderful radios in an update that the Commissioners informed him the extra drag started a week after the Kangalympics invitations went out. Loc tells him that many of the inhabitants saw a flash of fire across the sky around that same time. Seemingly in his own world, to no one in particular, Leo mentions the coordinates of the closest black hole.
As Zetaman explores the surface, he notices a magnetic anomaly on the scans. He sends the coordinates to Captain Wonderful, and asks him to check out the source. Unable to resist, Zetaman approaches the source. However, after getting in visual range of the object, the gravity’s force nearly completely immobilizes him. With his last bit of strength, he radios in that the source is a meteor the size of a basketball.
Loc pilots the ship towards Zetaman’s location using steering thrusters only. In the time it took Loc to get from their original landing spot to hovering above Zetaman to extract him, Zetaman was able to inch his way away from the meteor thereby regaining his mobility. Zetaman is able to climb the rescue ladder up to the spaceship. He then shoots Loc’s harpoon into the meteor after attaching a series of antennas that will direct the excess magnetic energy to the black hole. So that’s what Leo was thinking!
With the gravity back to normal, Captain Wonderful is returned to the ship and gets treated for radiation poisoning. Eager for a little fun, Loc parks the ship and our heroes don their spandex and elect Break as their coach. First up is Venusman competing against the Spacearoos in the pole vault. Afterward, he said: It was scary! They jumped 19’6” without a pole! Venusman was able to clear the measuring pole though he jostled it with his pinky, but it wasn’t knocked it over. Unfortunately, Venusman’s fall broke his ankle and he was forced to forfeit the rest of the event. Next up is Captain Wonderful competing against the hometown MVP, Gargantuous the Gator, in shot-putt. The shot-putt is a 30lb brass ball with a hollow center the size of a fist and filled with water. Still recovering from the radiation treatments, Captain Wonderful’s super strength hasn’t fully returned. Though he was able to out putt Gargantuous, Moss ended up beating him by 6”. Zetaman donned his boxing gloves and steps into the ring. Though he is at the bottom of his weight-class, Zetaman was able to hold his own for most of the competition. Spacearoos must be a distant cousin to the Weeble, no matter how hard he hit they never seemed to fall down! His strength and determination earns him the bronze. Finally, Loc gets his chance and thinks to himself: Well, they put their uniforms on one foot through at a time just like we do; so, here goes nothing. He’s able to clear the 4’ hurdles one after the other. The finish line is just within reach! All of a sudden, Loc finds himself staring up at his Spacearoo competitors who have turned away from the finish line and ran back to help him. No winner is declared. Next up is the 100m sprint. Loc dusts off his uniform, and takes his place. And they’re off! Loc finds himself passing one Roo after another, and only a few feet behind the lead runner. Kanga is able to keep just ahead of Loc. Loc may have scored the silver, but it was his best personal time overall so it was as good as gold to him. The final event is the Squad versus the Spacearoo curling team. Loc and Captain Wonderful take their places as sweepers, Zetaman as bowler. Worn out and struggling to maintain their balance, our heroes com in dead last, but are awarded with a blue laurel bouquet in recognition of their efforts in and out of the games. Good job squad! You’ve definitely earned your naptime.